Junk Store People: Fear the Beard

You are in for a special treat. 

Thus far, I've kept most of my posts strictly about the donations. Sure, occasionally I snap a pic of the Heap or a particularly inspired store display, and I might even drop a coded reference to a co-worker, boss, or even customer. But for the most part, I keep it about the junk. 

Not today.

You see, long before the Tales From The Junk Store blog, the Jammer and I used to take pictures of all the weirdo customers. Just as a visual document to be used in identifying one of these whackos in the likely event that they flipped out and burned the store down after being charged $1.35 for an action figure.

Despite the fact that these Junk Store customer photos are amazing and more interesting than any of the crazy items I usually post, I've hesitated to publish them. Welp, today I'm dropping these two bearded gentlemen for two reasons. 1) I've mastered photoshop to the point where I can cover their eyes, thus perfectly concealing their identities. 2) I'm pretty sure both these guys are dead by this point, probably from choking on their beards.

I also want to express that these two guys used to come into the Junk Store every day. And they always wore the same clothes. The guy on top used to purchase one item for under a dollar, complain about the price, demand a bag and a receipt, and then walk away into who knows where. Every day. 

The second dude was far more annoying, spending most of our work day chatting away with us, even though we tried to ignore him and help other customers. This isn't really abnormal behavior, except that most of his conversations were about Barbie. Yes, Barbie, the toy doll. Every day.

So here you go. May their beards rest in peace.

Commie Space Dog: "Starlet"

Philatelists - while this word definitely sounds like a scientific term for some specific sexually deviant behavior, it is basically just the nerdiest possible way to say "stamp collector". More accurately, it is "someone who studies stamps", which I'm sure that someone out there has also managed to turn into a sexually deviant behavior.

While you think about that, check out this awesome Russian stamp celebrating a dog they shot into space back in the 60s.

The Junk Pirate research team took one glance at this stamps and immediately launched this rocket of wisdom:
This dog is Zvyozdochka (pronounced Zvezdochka, Звёздочка, or "Starlet"), who was named by Yuri Gagarin. He made one orbit on board Korabl-Sputnik 5 on March 25, 1961 with a wooden cosmonaut dummy in the final practice flight before Gagarin's historic flight on April 12. The dummy was ejected out of the capsule while Zvezdochka remained inside. Both were recovered successfully.

Drug Magnetism

Zithromax... Redux... Medipren... Galan... Lodine... Ortho Tri-Cyclen... and my current favorite, K-Dur 20.

We love magnets, we love pharmaceuticals, we love promotional items. Ta-daa.

Amish Party Flag

Now you can publicly commemorate your thrill-a-minute adventure through the heart of the Pennsylvania Dutch wasteland without the mind numbing boredom that would result from an actual visit to the Amish country.

Tony's Birthday Surprise

Remember back in the day when dozens of life-sized male stripper cardboard displays were donated, and we put a few up in the display windows in the front of the store, and some lady came in and said that the beefcake coming out of the box was actually a co-worker of hers named Tony and he was really ashamed of his lascivious past and could we please destroy those before he sees them, and then we put them all up on display?

Ahhh, Junk Store memories. 

A side note: All the posts that are labeled "junk pirate archives" contain photos taken for a free-hosted website about the junk store that the Jammer and I made before blogs even existed. This is why these photos are usually very small. You may be too young to remember, but way back when, some folks didn't have the modem power to load large photos. Things sure have changed. Only the mountains of garbage being donated every day is as it was. 

Meanwhile...

I've been out there sorting awesome donations like vintage beepers, Jack Chick comics, Garfield board games, old Macintosh computers, skeleton toys with both eyes on one side of their heads, and vintage Wizard electronic games in their original packaging. 

What've you been doing? Sitting on the computer looking at some pathetic blog?   Loser.

Follow me @thejunkpirate on Instagram.

Post # 400!

According to mathematics, this is the 400th post on the Tales from the Junk Store blog!
So if you haven't already done so, please take a moment to check out the Donation Hall of Fame. It's a whole separate page with the very best, and worst, of the past decade's worth of junk store donations.

And what's coming down the aisle for Junk Pirate in the near and distant future?
Aside from more junk, there should be a brand new issue of Junk Pirate zine that you can touch and hold. That's about it. I have no other plans.

So keep donating all your possessions to your local thrift store. Keep checking back right here for more awesomeness and awfulness. Keep commenting (or start commenting), cause without feedback I get really depressed and feel like I'm wasting my life with all this (even more so than usual).

4 more years

With a lack of patriotic donations that borders on treasonous, I'm left no choice but to bust out this classy example of dignified respect for our president.

"This is the same donation you posted on President's Day!" is what you might be thinking. Those kinds of thoughts make you an idiot and potentially a communist. 

Above is a photo of the Chia Obama "Happy" version that was recently donated (just look at how happy he is). Earlier this year I posted the "Determined: Chia Obama, as seen below. 

Huge difference.