Junk Pirate zine #19 OUT NOW

Junk Pirate zine has returned from its long slumber and issue #19 is unleashed.
Featuring lots of random photocopied images.
You can get your copy for just a buck at Rowan Morrison Books online.

This Thing

The Jammer and I have worked together sorting junk for well over a decade. We've seen countless coworkers, bosses, and regular customers come and go. We've relocated the Junk Store to a new location, helped launch new Junk programs, seen other collapse, and have witnessed the rebirth of the Heap several thousand times. Change alone is unchanging. That and this thing...

I don't know what this thing is. I don't know what  it is supposed to be. I don't know who made it, why they made it, and when it was donated to the Junk Store. All I know is that through thick and thin, purges and clear-outs, OSHA inspections and rodent infestations, this thing is still hanging on the sorting room wall.

The Heap Stays... You Go!

As usual, we are in a transition phase here at the Junk Store. Luckily, no matter how much things change, the Heap is always there for me.

Or, if I need a break from the everyday Heap routine, I'll head up to the 'Northern Junk Facility' and "Get Sorty".

Junk Store Secrets

A special insider's look into the secret tunnels that permeate the Junk Store.
With ancient markings, we utilize these causeways to stash hoards, eat snacks, spy on potential shoplifters, or for a mid-day get away.

The Heap Lives!

Feed the HEAP!
Through the magic of technology and the Autostitch app, I present to you a sampling of recent Heaps....

Sit back and enjoy the fact that it isn't your job to have to sort through and try to sell all these massive piles of garbage.

Spooky the Reuse Ghost

Happy Hallowe'en

An all-time favorite reuse art project finally gets it's time to shine. It's Spooky, the Reuse Ghost.

Made from wire, a styrofoam ball, some google eyes, and stretchy fabric, this Halloween ornament was a favorite of ours. It kicked around the Junk Store for many months, repeatedly going missing and then being found on the floor somewhere in increasingly more dilapidated and dirty condition. I haven't seen Spooky in many years, but we'll always remember him fondly.

Nothing But The Code

Anybody who has had the privilege a glancing into the Black Out Closet of the Sorting Room this past year or so could not have ignored the shelves and shelves dedicated to hoarding a particular book... the most commonly donated junk store book there is...

Oh yeah, we've assembled nearly 100 copies of The Da Vinci Code in a little over a year. Welcome to the secret society dedicated to the protecting the sacred knowledge of the Junk Store.

No less than six different versions of Da Code. Two sizes of hardcover, and four unique paperbacks. These are all American releases. 

If reading hurts your brain, you can still follow the adventures of Robert Langdon via audio book. Three version on cassette, plus a CD pack.

Plus books about The Da Vinci Code. The Da Vinci Code Decoded (also in audiobook form), and a Christian book all about how the theories brought forth in this work of fiction are, in fact, bullshit. Take that Dan Brown.

10 different Da Vinci Codes in all (plus the books about The Code). With a new copy or two (usually of the hardcover or smallest paperback) being donated every week, we are up to our armpits here. And now you can be too...

Nothing But The Code, a Junk Pirate window installation, is happening at Book Zoo in Oakland starting on Friday September 7th (why, that's tonight!) and on view until Sunday, or while supplies last.
Mandatory FREE copy of The Code with any purchase all weekend.

Join me tonight around 7pm while we project the Ron Howard film version and drink beer while trying to plot how to wipe out that evil Priory of Scion... or are we trying to protect the Priory?
I really should read this book someday.

Tony's Birthday Surprise

Remember back in the day when dozens of life-sized male stripper cardboard displays were donated, and we put a few up in the display windows in the front of the store, and some lady came in and said that the beefcake coming out of the box was actually a co-worker of hers named Tony and he was really ashamed of his lascivious past and could we please destroy those before he sees them, and then we put them all up on display?

Ahhh, Junk Store memories. 

A side note: All the posts that are labeled "junk pirate archives" contain photos taken for a free-hosted website about the junk store that the Jammer and I made before blogs even existed. This is why these photos are usually very small. You may be too young to remember, but way back when, some folks didn't have the modem power to load large photos. Things sure have changed. Only the mountains of garbage being donated every day is as it was. 

"Do you have styrofoam balls?"

Yeah, Lady, I got your styrofoam balls right here...

Damn This Heap!

Sort one box and two take its place!

I hate to complain that folks are giving us too much stuff, but these days I'm barely keeping my head above water. 

Hans 2012

Let's take a moment to check in on our good buddy Hans, the creepy Junk Store plush-mannequin.

There he is. Hoarding panties over by the water cooler.
And it looks like he has made a kitty friend.

I highly recommend you take a comprehensive look at the many shades of Hans (featuring a special appearance by the Cyclops).

I Want Those Days Back

Even more Junk Store nostalgia:

You are being watched.

Nuetron Vs RoboLove 22

The classic "Flush" sign from the old employee bathroom.

Slip Molds

Big money accordions.

The Tony Cantina Clones.

Baby Zombies

When We Were Young

More pictures from the early days of the Junk Store documentation:

Gorilla Music

The Kitty Shelf

Mini-Bizarro

Binders to the horizon

I Invented the slide lampshade!

Picasso

Coming Up: A Look Back

That last Cock-Mug post got me all nostalgic for vintage Junk Store imagery.
So, buckle-up, cause for the next few posts I'm dusting off some old classics from the gritty early days.

Fo Any Reason Anywhere Any Time

Bashful

Burns and the Dancing Budweiser

No Bumping

Crazy Legs O'Brien!!!

The Classic Double Basket

The End of the Basket Room

Reflections of 2011, plus the middle finger

Happy New Year from Junk Pirate and the entire Junk Store crew. 

2011 was chock full of fun donations, crap donations, inappropriate donations, overflowing dumpsters, additional middle managers, sassy coworkers and the negative yelp reviews they spawned, bizarre head lice accusations, superball obsessed volunteers, rats' nests redefining the term "Shreducational", free coffee hook-ups, out-of-control hoarding, one new Junk Pirate artwork, no new Junk Pirate zines, the departure of Top Cat, the inland banishment of Big Merl, the return of evil Sausage Fingers, the discover of the no-limits money grab for "admin" work, a Womyn's sale that no one understood, Soap-Wrapping special events that no one noticed, Terry Treats forever, and two really confused and frighteningly unprepared armed robbers.

Coming up in 2012... more of the same (hopefully minus the robbery), plus undoubtedly lots of unexpected surprises. 

Please, please, please subscribe to the blog feed and throw down a few comments here and there in the coming year. It really makes this all worthwhile to know you all are even slightly entertained.

Hag-tion Figure

Welp. It's finally happened.
A Craft Hag action figure.

Complete with lavender shirt, jangley jewelry, hag-bag, perma-frown, and messy grey hair.

Now all they need to do is make the deluxe 12" figure with authentic "reek-of-perfume" scent, removable-hag jacket, and pre-programed sound clips like "You're measuring the fabric all wrong!", and "You're prices used to be much cheaper."
Tan Volvo or light blue Prius sold separately.

The many faces of Hans

So I walk into work one morning, head to the sorting area, and nearly shit my pants when I turn on the lights to see this guy all up in my face...

Actually, he was holding one of those realistic looking water pistols. Well, after our shocking introduction, I came to be pretty good friends with this life-sized pillowy mannequin that I named Hans (although he goes by many other nicknames).

Hans is always willing (or unable to prevent) to be dressed up and accessorized with anything we're able to pluck from the donation heap. Here he is in an outfit I like to call "Busking-Patriotic-Frankenstein". Notice the leather chaps and the power-belt. More on the power-belt coming soon.

Hans gets some painting done with his fruit-picker. Always looking dapper in his fancy hat and festive birdman mask.

Getting folksy. I'm just now noticing that Hans is still rocking that green shirt.

Hans' latest incarnation is that of Darth Pantsless. Stay tuned right here at Tales From the Junk Store for more fashion updates.