Apr 9, 2014

Nunchukas, Suckas

Unruly customers are about to feel the wrath of the numb-chucks, yo!
Collapsible heavy steel nunchukas complete with quick-draw belt holster. Time to crack some skulls... most likely my own.

Maybe I should get a little practice in first with this handy-dandy instructional chart:

Apr 4, 2014


A couple new Spirograph and Spirographesque items for you Junk Pirate loyalist.
We have the generic Hypotrochoid Art Set, Spirograph Plus, Spirograph Keychain, and Kenner's New SpiroTot!

Apr 1, 2014

This Thing

The Jammer and I have worked together sorting junk for well over a decade. We've seen countless coworkers, bosses, and regular customers come and go. We've relocated the Junk Store to a new location, helped launch new Junk programs, seen other collapse, and have witnessed the rebirth of the Heap several thousand times. Change alone is unchanging. That and this thing...

I don't know what this thing is. I don't know what  it is supposed to be. I don't know who made it, why they made it, and when it was donated to the Junk Store. All I know is that through thick and thin, purges and clear-outs, OSHA inspections and rodent infestations, this thing is still hanging on the sorting room wall.

Mar 1, 2014

2 Bobas - 3 Lukes

I posted this photo of two Boba Fetts from different eras on the Junk Pirate instagram account a little while back. 

It reminded me of one of the all-time classic pieces of Junk Pirate Art, 3 Lukes! It was really awkward when all the characters in the Star Wars action figure line got all buff there for a minute. Look at Luke's legs on the right there! Moisture farmer indeed.

Feb 26, 2014

Fine Art: Sports Portraits

More fantastic original works of fine art right here. Somebody like painting athletes entangled on the ground. 

Let's get a closer look at that wrestling painting....

Feb 22, 2014

The New Junk Store Work Force

Introducing the new employees of the Junk Store; R.A.D 2.0 working the register and Omnibot 2000 in the warehouse.

Feb 16, 2014

Magnets... Always With The Magnets

We've been repping the vehicle shaped promo magnets for over a decade here at the Junk Store, as the above picture of the old register from the Junk Pirate archives confirms. Be it van, sports car, box truck (Webvan!), tow truck, or big rig, we love a good vehicle shaped magnet. No better way to promote your mobile business.

Which brings us to a lovely piece of Junk Pirate Fine Art... 33 Vehicle Shaped Magnets from 2010!

Feb 10, 2014

Sir Marks-A-Lot

Just a bit of the selection of classic markers from the Junk Pirate Archives.

Feb 7, 2014

Melt Down

here we have the Mighty Uncle showcasing his latest score from the Sorting Room floor!
That lucky bastard!

Jan 25, 2014

Visible Women

Nothing makes my life more fulfilling that putting things next to similar, but slightly different things... it's the essence of collecting. And sometimes I live those special moments where a mini-collection just creates itself when two Visible Woman kits from different eras (and manufacturers) get donated by different people on the same day. 

Jan 21, 2014

The Heap Stays... You Go!

As usual, we are in a transition phase here at the Junk Store. Luckily, no matter how much things change, the Heap is always there for me.

Or, if I need a break from the everyday Heap routine, I'll head up to the 'Northern Junk Facility' and "Get Sorty".

Jan 1, 2014

Let Us Get It On... after I finish this next chapter.

Apparently, our donors need a lot of advice when it comes to doing The Nasty because hardly a day goes by without an instructional sex book donation. 

If you call that living.

Dec 31, 2013

The New LSD

Leadership - Service - Dedication... man I'm so fucked-up.

Dec 19, 2013

Lookin' Sharp: Knives of the Junk Store

From throwing knives to Rambo knives to fantasy novelty knives to pocket knives, we get a lot of sharps here at the Junk Store. Take a look... but don't touch.

Sep 29, 2013

Bird Box

Something sure does smell foul in the Junk Store heap.

Pure taxidermy gold of an ornithological nature right here.

Jul 22, 2013

Masterpiece of Ass

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Junk Store art this good comes along only once or twice a month. 

Jun 27, 2013

BETA Thriller

You call yourself a Michael Jackson fan?
Are you watching Making Michael Jackson's Thriller on BETAMAX tape?!?
I didn't think so.

And thus ends the Junk Pirate tribute to Michael Jackson. Shamon!

Jun 26, 2013

Tell us a story, Michael

Quincy Jones produced this strange record album of Michael Jackson emphatically narrating the story of E.T.

Just to be clear, this record features no Michael Jackson music. The movie features no Michael Jackson music. Michael Jackson should have nothing to do with E.T. Yet it seems such a natural fit.

A little research shows that this record was released literally days before Thriller, won a Grammy (for best recording for children), and was recalled by Sony. I also see that this audiobook was written by Quincy Jone, and that Michael Jackson felt an affinity for E.T. In fact, Jackson was so into E.T., that he was quoted (regarding his meeting with the animatronic E.T. for the label photo seen below):
"He was so real that I was talking to him. I kissed him before I left. The next day, I missed him."

Also, here is another E.T. picture disc record of the soundtrack we put up on the sorting room wall.

Jun 25, 2013

Shamon! Michael Jackson at the Junk Store!

Let us spend the week mourning the anniversary of death of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson.

I truly wish I had taken a photo of every scrap of MJ merch that has passed through the sorting room (why, oh why didn't I grab the 12" single of Billie Jean with the instrumental version?!?), but I still have a few picks to share so get out your rhinestone glove and hyperbaric oxygen sleeping chamber and let's get started with this Barbie-sized Jackson doll.

And, of course, he arrived pantsless.

Jun 22, 2013

Exotic Decorator Lite in the Box

If you fancy yourself too sophisticated for I regular old lava lamp, might I recommend the Lave-Lite, the exotic decorator lite.
  • Fascinating
  • Intriguing
  • Soothing
  • Ever-Changing
  • Entertaining
  • Made in U.S.A.
Check out all the awesome possible uses suggested by the illustrations on the side of the box. Looks like you can knit by it, use it for your outdoor cafe seating, and so on.

Jun 19, 2013

Vintage Selfie

This dude was way ahead of his time by snapping a "selfie" back in 1972. Unfortunately, we had to wait 40 years to post it on instagram

With that giant tie, it was worth the wait.

Jun 1, 2013

Tumblr from the Junk Store

Presently, I am slowly easing all the amazing awesomeness that is the Tales from the Junk Store blog over towards the new Junk Pirate tumblr page. This will feature such greatness as:
  • new, crazy, and often disturbing items donated to the Junk Store.
  • perhaps more frequent updates.... no promises.
  • all that great Junk Pirate fine art you know you can't live without.
  • witty commentary.
  • other people's photos.
  • links to other awesome collections.
  • and fantastically huge posts that delve deep into the details of some of the famous Junk Pirate collections.
Will I keep updating this blog?     Sure, why not.
Do my bosses know about this?    I sure hope not.
Can you buy this stuff from me?     "I'm a gripper, not a flipper".
Do I ask question out loud to myself and then answer them?     Never!

So check out the Tumblr blog and step up to keep your rep up.

Apr 28, 2013

Oh, No You Didn't!!!

In my lifetime of sorting through donation here at the Junk Store, I have encountered some repugnant shit. It's part of the job and at the very least it makes for some good stories when I meet up with the other Junk Pirates for a beer after work.
Heck, some of the worst stuff can also be the best.

But I'm going to draw the line at collection of body refuse.
Exhibit A: This container featuring several little plastic boxes (with magnifier lids) with collected fingernail, toenail, and pubic hair trimmings.

You read that right.

In my opinion, the fact that it is so methodically collected and stored makes it all the more disturbing.