Tumblr from the Junk Store

Presently, I am slowly easing all the amazing awesomeness that is the Tales from the Junk Store blog over towards the new Junk Pirate tumblr page. This will feature such greatness as:

• new, crazy, and often disturbing items donated to the Junk Store.
• perhaps more frequent updates.... no promises.
• all that great Junk Pirate fine art you know you can't live without.
• witty commentary.
• other people's photos.
• links to other awesome collections.
• and fantastically huge posts that delve deep into the details of some of the famous Junk Pirate collections.

Will I keep updating this blog?     Sure, why not.
Do my bosses know about this?    I sure hope not.
Can you buy this stuff from me?     "I'm a gripper, not a flipper".
Do I ask question out loud to myself and then answer them?     Never!

So check out the Tumblr blog and step up to keep your rep up.

Oh, No You Didn't!!!

In my lifetime of sorting through donation here at the Junk Store, I have encountered some repugnant shit. It's part of the job and at the very least it makes for some good stories when I meet up with the other Junk Pirates for a beer after work.
Heck, some of the worst stuff can also be the best.

But I'm going to draw the line at collection of body refuse.
Exhibit A: This container featuring several little plastic boxes (with magnifier lids) with collected fingernail, toenail, and pubic hair trimmings.

You read that right.

In my opinion, the fact that it is so methodically collected and stored makes it all the more disturbing.

Finger Puppetmaster

It's just one of those things that happens. A gridded box (or divided drawer) get nailed to the wall. Then you put one of the cheapo finger puppets that come in vending machines in a cubby. Then another one. And then a few more.

About two months later you're looking at this:

 

Junk Store Secrets

A special insider's look into the secret tunnels that permeate the Junk Store.
With ancient markings, we utilize these causeways to stash hoards, eat snacks, spy on potential shoplifters, or for a mid-day get away.

Styronude

Tales from the Junk Store is back with the classic polystyrene naked dude.

How to Master the Video Games

After all this constant retro home gaming, I need to take a break from the tv and maybe read a book or something....

Don't hate the Plug-N-Player, hate the Game.

 

After all the excitement of the Atari 2600 Plug & Play system I started to hoard every similar donation and, sure enough, within a few weeks I had quite a stash going.

My favorites are the Atari Flashback (with 2 detachable analog joysticks) and count 'em 3 different version of Pac Man. The one that is shaped like a cocktail table cabinet is wireless!

Game on!

Atari Plug-n-Play

Here's a little dandy... it's an Atari 2600 controller that has a bunch of games pre-programed right in there. Great and also forgettable games like Centipede, Breakout, Gravitar, Pong, Circus Atari, Asteroids, Adventure, Missile Command, Yar's Revenge, and Real Sports Volleyball. You just hook the RCA cables into your television, turn it on, and completely stop working for the rest of the afternoon.

Hey, you should check out all the great video game donations that have been featured so far on the Tales from the Junk Store blog.

ColecoVision

Nothing like a tasty 2nd Gen cartridge system to get the stoke flowing here at the Junk Store.
ColecoVision debuted in 1982 and was out with the video game industry crash less than two years later, but its arcade-like graphics and premium game selection made it a winner. Voted #12 of the 25 greatest game consoles of all time (a better ranking than the PS3)!

Odyssey 2

While perhaps not a aesthetically striking as the sporty yellow Odyssey 300, you still can't deny the retro-hi-tech styling of the Magnavox Odyssey 2 from 1978. With a 49-key alphanumeric membrane keyboard, it may look futuristic, but the lacking graphics and power of this cartridge system were considered "primitive" even by late 70s standards. The Atari 2600 pretty much wiped the floor with this thing.

Still, we here at Junk Pirate are always keen to caress any retro game system, particularly those that used cartridges and joysticks.

If you somehow still have unanswered questions about the Odyssey 2, you will find them all answered, and many, many, many more at the Odyssey2 Homepage.

Aww, heck. I just can't resist throwing in a picture of my Odyssey 300. It's just so pretty:

Game & Watch Chef

You're a chef in a kitchen and you have to cook three meals at once, so you have to throw the meals in the air to get a another meal in your pan. There's a cat on a shelf that catches the meal with a fork, but then lets it drop after some seconds. Chef is one of the fastest Game & Watch

This bad boy is coming atcha fully working from way back in 1981. Come and get it!

TrackBalls to the Wall

Fans of Marble Madness and Centipede will rejoice in the discovery of this Wico Command Control Trackball Controller, compatible with the Atari 2600.
And if it doesn't work, no problemo, learn to fix it here.

Radio Shack TV Scoreboard

 

For those real tech misfits who aren't interested in Atari Pong because its "too mainstream" I give you the Radio Shack Electronic TV Scoreboard!

This is an original first generation video game based on a single chip, which basically is nerd-talk for variations of Pong. This one had such authentic competitions as: Tennis, Hockey, Squash, and Practice.

The actual unit is pretty unique looking with it's detachable Left Player control and baby blue trim. 

 

Apparently, there was another version of the Radio Shack TV Scoreboard that came with a realistic looking light gun and some extra games. I found this scan on the net:

P O N G by Atari

 

Let's take this one back to the beginning.

The year is 1976. You and you bros need an instant fix of that sweet, sweet digital ping pong game but you are already too drunk to get to the local bar. Plus, you are totally out of quarters. Luckily, you recently invested $100 (in 1976 dollars!) for this bad boy. Let the games begin!

It's the PONG C-140 multi-player system!

Does it work? I have no idea since there isn't and RCA or HDMI hookup. 

Is it dusty? You bet!

 

Video Game Time - 1up

It's been a while since I've gotten a good vintage gaming session going here at the Junk Store. So get comfy, grab a snack and a soda, turn the volume up and turn the ringer off cuz we're leveling up.

Oh yeah; All this month, on and on until I run out of pictures, we're delving deep into the heap for some arcade action.

He's Gonna Be Mean To Me

Have I not posted this picture of a Mr. Bill carnival mirror yet?
No? Well, here it is.

This is where I would post some embedded youtube Mr. Bill video but I guess Saturday Night Live ain't having it so just imagine his voice in your head.

back when Records were Cylindrical

Gold Moulded from Edison. Play that funky music white boy.
2 minutes of face melting recordings from at least 100 years ago. If there was an actual record in this tube, which there wasn't. It was just package.

The Heap Lives!

Feed the HEAP!
Through the magic of technology and the Autostitch app, I present to you a sampling of recent Heaps....

Sit back and enjoy the fact that it isn't your job to have to sort through and try to sell all these massive piles of garbage.

The Power of Christ Compels You

The God of Donations truly smiled upon me with what I can only assume is some sort of exorcism kit, or perhaps a "presto-change-o Deathbed Conversion" set-up, complete with holy water, crucifix, and instructions.
Whatever it is, we're in for some blasphemous fun in the Junk Store.

Although, looking at the photo now, the presence of the candles and spoon makes me think that somehow heroin is involved as well. Those wacky Christians.

Signs of the Times - a look forward and a glance back

Welp, another year is in the books and I thank you for allowing me to share all the fantastic and sickening junk that has passed through my dry and rashy hands this past year.

This is the post where I'd like to give a clever and slightly veiled shout-out to all the good and bad things that took place in the Junk Store these past 12 months (damn you, Sausage Fingers!), but it is becoming a giant blur of exciting garbage, daily frustrations, and treasures-to-trash and I can't remember what happened when.
I fail to document more than half of it, I'm just about over a lot of it, and I wonder why the book deals and Hollywood executives with their big checks for my story options aren't knocking on my door yet. I blame everybody but myself.

Yet I'm resolved to get back up off the sorting room floor and redouble my efforts to get the zaniest shit up on the web (and perhaps into my home) regardless of how many health and safety codes I have to violate. This next year is going to be great and we're all going to get junk drunk on a regular basis! We don't need money or health cuz we've got hundreds of photos a weird collectable shit.

Like I've always said, there is no problem to daunting that we can roll up our sleeves, dig in our heels, and completely ignore.

So, if you have some time this afternoon, or maybe in the early morning and there isn't anything on tv, you can take a moment to check out the Junk Pirate Artwork Archive. Or maybe you haven't strolled through the Donation Hall of Fame yet. Perhaps peruse through the 450 older posts, and if you see something you like (or hate), leave a comment. Why not browse by category? And if you write a blog of your own, throw a link my way.

Or just sit there and enjoy some of these Signs of the Times from the Junk Store's past.
See you next year!

We ban the fake guns, and keep the fucking real ones!

I only made one piece of Junk Pirate art this whole year, but it's packs a lot of firepower.

Scary Christmas... and a Happy New Fear

In case last year's Holiday Nightmare didn't convine you to be nice, here is a different take of the Santa that ate your younger brother's soul.

click to enlarge

Here's Holiday Cheer

And old photo of an old (year-round) decoration from the old Junk Pirate Archives.

Food Drive: Haggis

We're having a food drive right now at the Junk Store (because we care) and some sadistic asshole donated this.

Time for Beer

It's always time for beer.

On a related note, check out this Hamm's Bear Bear watch. But it isn't a watch, it's actually a big wall clock shaped like an oversized wrist watch.

I guess I should've taken a photo with something else in there for size comparison. Looking at this photo is totally just looks like a watch. Not a that a Hamm's Beer Bear watch wouldn't be cool.

Promotional Sperm Comes Again

Another addition to a Donation Hall of Fame recognized collection (Best Promo Item): the squishy stress ball foam novelty sperms. A whole box of 'em.
We got these straight from the squishy foam promo novelty item factory. They were leftovers from some other job and they didn't have some company logo printed on them yet.

Because nothing plants seeds about your company, product, or event like a humorously oversized spermatozoa.

See for yourself:

Also, jiz, cum, and ejaculate.