Dec 31, 2011

Reflections of 2011, plus the middle finger

Happy New Year from Junk Pirate and the entire Junk Store crew. 

2011 was chock full of fun donations, crap donations, inappropriate donations, overflowing dumpsters, additional middle managers, sassy coworkers and the negative yelp reviews they spawned, bizarre head lice accusations, superball obsessed volunteers, rats' nests redefining the term "Shreducational", free coffee hook-ups, out-of-control hoarding, one new Junk Pirate artwork, no new Junk Pirate zines, the departure of Top Cat, the inland banishment of Big Merl, the return of evil Sausage Fingers, the discover of the no-limits money grab for "admin" work, a Womyn's sale that no one understood, Soap-Wrapping special events that no one noticed, Terry Treats forever, and two really confused and frighteningly unprepared armed robbers.

Coming up in 2012... more of the same (hopefully minus the robbery), plus undoubtedly lots of unexpected surprises. 

Please, please, please subscribe to the blog feed and throw down a few comments here and there in the coming year. It really makes this all worthwhile to know you all are even slightly entertained.

Dec 23, 2011

Uncanny X-Mas

I regret not stealing this shiny green vintage tinsel-tree back when I had the opportunity in 2007. Now every holiday season is just a tinsel-treeless reminder of what could have been.

Dec 21, 2011

Donation Proclamations Now Created Via Mobile Application

Thanks to a new "app" that appears to actually sort of work, I now have the ability to publish astounding Junk Store images and clever banter to this blog from my "smart" telephone while "on the clock". *
This should result in about, oh, let's say 15% more posts featuring about 65% less selectiveness of content.

 *This specific post, however, was not made using the Blogger app.

Dec 17, 2011

Home of the Braids

While we do get a lot of "tumbleweave" blowing through the sorting room on a regular basis, I do believe this to be an authentic human hair braid. Uggh.

All these hair donations are giving me authentic dry heaves. 

Dec 15, 2011

Gimme A Blog With Hair

Long disgusting hair
Shining, Gleaming
Stinking, Flaxen, Waxen

Jar it, Show it
Long as someone donated 

their Hair

Dec 11, 2011

Junk Pirate Art: Showercap

An all-time classic piece of Junk Pirate Found Art. A beautifully stylized, all red instructional illustration for use of what looks like a plastic bag helmet you wear in the shower.

Dec 9, 2011

Erectile Dysfunction

If this blog post gives you an erection lasting more than four hours, seek immediate medical attention.
If you need help determining how long four hours is, seek immediate Viagra promotional clock, which has a four hour duration marked out in translucent blue. 

If you find yourself still unsatisfied even after viewing the above Viagra promo clock image, seek these other excellent pharmo-freebies: the Viagra / Major League Baseball plastic mug ("I take Viagra." -Rafael Palmeiro) and a bonus Viagra pen.

Dec 6, 2011

Drum Solo

While I may be underwhelmed by the glut of donated crap guitars (see yesterday's post), I'm still pretty stoked to see some actual, man-sized drum gear. We never have any real drumsticks when we need them, so give me a couple a pencils and watch me get Gene Krupa on this bad boy.


Dec 5, 2011

Sweet Emotion

Honestly, we get so many guitars these days that I don't even get excited. If I have to hear my coworker's inept attempts to play Johnny Cash tunes one more time it's smashing time.
Ahhh, the life of a jaded junk store sorter...

And don't even get me going about these Guitar Hero and Rock Band guitar controllers. Apparently, no one is feeling the need to pretend-play along with Aerosmith's Sweet Emotion anymore.

Dec 2, 2011

Stop the Music!

A recently donated audio cassette came fully equipped with an orange, plastic "Stopper".
First off, check out the awesome, clear-green, 3M Highlander blank tape!
Now that we've properly recognized that, we can turn our attention to the Stopper. What the hell?!? Why would you need a physical barrier to stop your cassette. Was "reel spin" a big problem when cassettes are stored or transported.
I can't seem to find any information on the subject online.