Dec 31, 2012

Signs of the Times - a look forward and a glance back

Welp, another year is in the books and I thank you for allowing me to share all the fantastic and sickening junk that has passed through my dry and rashy hands this past year.

This is the post where I'd like to give a clever and slightly veiled shout-out to all the good and bad things that took place in the Junk Store these past 12 months (damn you, Sausage Fingers!), but it is becoming a giant blur of exciting garbage, daily frustrations, and treasures-to-trash and I can't remember what happened when.
I fail to document more than half of it, I'm just about over a lot of it, and I wonder why the book deals and Hollywood executives with their big checks for my story options aren't knocking on my door yet. I blame everybody but myself.

Yet I'm resolved to get back up off the sorting room floor and redouble my efforts to get the zaniest shit up on the web (and perhaps into my home) regardless of how many health and safety codes I have to violate. This next year is going to be great and we're all going to get junk drunk on a regular basis! We don't need money or health cuz we've got hundreds of photos a weird collectable shit.

Like I've always said, there is no problem to daunting that we can roll up our sleeves, dig in our heels, and completely ignore.

So, if you have some time this afternoon, or maybe in the early morning and there isn't anything on tv, you can take a moment to check out the Junk Pirate Artwork Archive. Or maybe you haven't strolled through the Donation Hall of Fame yet. Perhaps peruse through the 450 older posts, and if you see something you like (or hate), leave a comment. Why not browse by category? And if you write a blog of your own, throw a link my way.

Or just sit there and enjoy some of these Signs of the Times from the Junk Store's past.
See you next year!

Dec 30, 2012

We ban the fake guns, and keep the fucking real ones!

I only made one piece of Junk Pirate art this whole year, but it's packs a lot of firepower.

Dec 25, 2012

Scary Christmas... and a Happy New Fear

In case last year's Holiday Nightmare didn't convine you to be nice, here is a different take of the Santa that ate your younger brother's soul.

click to enlarge

Dec 23, 2012

Here's Holiday Cheer

And old photo of an old (year-round) decoration from the old Junk Pirate Archives.

Dec 16, 2012

Food Drive: Haggis

We're having a food drive right now at the Junk Store (because we care) and some sadistic asshole donated this.

Dec 12, 2012

Time for Beer

It's always time for beer.
On a related note, check out this Hamm's Bear Bear watch. But it isn't a watch, it's actually a big wall clock shaped like an oversized wrist watch.
I guess I should've taken a photo with something else in there for size comparison. Looking at this photo is totally just looks like a watch. Not a that a Hamm's Beer Bear watch wouldn't be cool.

Dec 8, 2012

Promotional Sperm Comes Again

Another addition to a Donation Hall of Fame recognized collection (Best Promo Item): the squishy stress ball foam novelty sperms. A whole box of 'em.
We got these straight from the squishy foam promo novelty item factory. They were leftovers from some other job and they didn't have some company logo printed on them yet.

Because nothing plants seeds about your company, product, or event like a humorously oversized spermatozoa.

See for yourself:

Also, jiz, cum, and ejaculate.

Dec 1, 2012

No Cash Value

Just a small sampling of the multitude of coinage in the Junk Pirate Arcade Token Collection.