Keepin' It Real

These guns may look real to you, me, and the cops, but I can assure you they are just toys... fucked up toys. The little metal cowboy revolver is a childhood classic, but these other two are good enough to get you rich quick or die trying.

This bulky blaster actually has one of those neon red tips that somebody (wasn't me, I promise) painted black. It even has a chamber that opens with fake plastic bullets when you really want to trick the cops into using deadly force.

Now this guy is just awesome. It is just a straight-up water gun. Other than the trigger and the little plastic cap that covers where you fill it, there are no moving parts. Yet, this is probably the most realistic gun in the entire Junk Store Arsenal. Damn it feels good to be a gangster.

Check out all the amazing and fucked-up things I see in the donations to the Junk Store where I work. 

Death by Crossbow

Here's something you can do on a rainy day. With just a bit of carved wood, a steel slat, a screw or two, some durable rope, a plastic trigger, and a heart of pure malicious darkness, you can launch sharpened pencils at your coworker's eyeballs. 

This thing actually launches pens and pencils with great velocity and haphazard wildness.

wild wild west

A couple of old school revolvers. And then the 21st century equivalent. Real steel with these, so you may not be able to riddle somebody with bullets with these guns, you can still feel safe knowing that you could bludgeon somebody with them.

It is the Future... the Year 2000

The weapons of the future. P-tew. P-tew.

Bang, Bang, Squirt, Squirt

A couple of clear water pistols. You fill these with cat pee and you have serious stopping power.

Brightly Colored Water Pistols (and a cap gun)

I always thought: wouldn't be a fucked up thing to manufacture a real, bullet-shooting gun that is painted in bright neon orange and green to make it look like a water gun.

Sharpshootin'

An interesting side note: the Shadowy Borg (aka the board of directors) actually decreed that we must keep all toy guns stashed away as it is Junk Store policy to not sell toy weapons to kids (even water pistols). Don't worry, young lads, you're just a few years away from being able to buy a real gun.

That takes us to two of the better recent weapon donations. In the same week we received a working pump-action bb gun rifle (oh, that was a fun couple of days), and a not working but visually stunning bb shotgun. God bless America.

Flog Blog

This one is actually from the Junk Pirate Archives and was sold for $40 to some mild mannered nerdy guy shortly after this image was taken. We've gotten more whips donated than you would think probable, but this flogger was one of the best.

The Sword

Not very sharp, and the handle has a tendency to fall off in the heat of battle, but a solid piece of steel for defending the loading dock from barbarians, rival junk pirates, and lurking can collectors.

Sling It

We've been lucky enough to get a couple of slingshots donated throughout the years here at the Junk Store, some even of professional grade. The broken windows of the abandoned building across the street can attest to this. But this one was worthy of photo...

We're talking David and Goliath shit here, folks. Actually, as a slingshot it isn't very good, but it will be sure to gain you some Ren-Fair respect hanging out of your backpack like an Elvish Dennis the Menace.

Cuttin' it up!

We'll mix things up for today's installment of "weapons to play with" and take a look in the toy blade department. We have a Rambo knife, a mini ninja sword, another tiny Rambo knife, and a big fake psycho killer kitchen knife. I left out all the larger medieval swords and Conan stuff, but you can rest assured that we are hoarding those too. I'm shocked that we still haven't procured any fake ninja stars. Although most of these things get played with and thrashed before I can even get a photo of them.

Extra props going to this guy. A brass knuckles water pistol. Nice.

Busta cap in yo ass.

Not bad. This cap-gun portion of the Arsenal has got just about everything you'll need for when the zombies come. You've got your colt, your saturday night special, a shotgun, a sub-machine gun, and even some fancy civil-war-era thing. 

Bonus points going out to the one on the lower left for being from the days when they made cap guns look like real guns. Not even a orange tip on that thing. It's made of steel, too. 

Click-Click... BLAM!

Why not start the year off right with a week full of potential simulated violence by delving into the heaping contents of the Junk Store Armory stash. All this week I'll be revealing some of the hoarded toy weapons (and maybe even a few real ones) that have come in over the past year. So sit back, crack a cold one, put some mellow music on the hi-fi, and prepare for war!

You can check in on other "weapons" postings right here, although I think there has only been one other one so far.

Our first look is at a cache of wooden guns that shoot rubber bands. Most use a simple clothesline pin as a release, but that one on the lower left has a nifty trigger mechanism. Watch your eyes.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year from all your pals sorting through all of your "great stuff" that "a teacher really wants" or "an artist could do something with". Keep those great donations coming in and don't forget to ask for a tax receipt.

See you next year. From Roadblock (AKA The Junk Pirate), the Jammer, Big Merl, Top Cat, the Driver, and even L-Dog.

Drunken Santas

I know I'm a few days late for this one, but let us look back on Christmas 2008, and of many years of Junk Store past with one of our favorite all-time Holiday Decorations (and there have been a few)...
From deep within the vault of the Junk Pirate archives I present to you the Drunken Santas:

Basically, these are just a couple of vintage Santa dolls with creepy plastic faces that are weighted at their feet, so they stand on their own but totally stoop over. Man I wish we still could bust these out every Christmas.

Happy Holidays everybody.

Time for some action

I think by now it is pretty clear to anybody following Tales From the Junk Store that I'm a pretty big fan of donations of toys. Action figures are some of my favorites. And while I'll never scoff at a vintage Boba Fett or, god willing, one of those clear plastic Tron figures from Tomy, what I really like uncovering are some of the random action figures that I have no idea where they are from. 

Exhibit A:

If anybody knows where this guy and his awesome bat-coffin-vehicle are from, leave a comment.

Put It In A Jar

While a couple of similar, but slightly differently shaped glass jars might be some boring shit to you, it was the most exciting part of my week. And then when a vintage jar of "Brim" showed up, I almost fainted from the excitement. We also received and awesome old empty Ovaltine jar, but I was to excited to take a picture. JARS!

Fill it to the rim...


Bonus picture from the Junk Pirate Archives of what you can do with a bunch of jars, a drawer full of used crayons, and the will to spend your day peeling the wrappers off of the crayons instead of working:

Pencil Holder

It is disturbing enough to think about who would purchase a novelty pencil holder (the dude moves his head, shouts, and moans when you push on the pencil), but then add the fact that this was donated to an arts and education reuse non-profit and your mind just shutters.

Burned by the Molten Lava

We got another one. This time it was green lava in a black lamp. Trip out, brothers and sisters.

Promo-Putty

We are big, big fans of promotional items here at the Junk Store. In fact, the Jammer has collected well over 50 different drug-promo-pens from different pharmaceutical companies over the past few years. But this is a new one:

A couple hundred packages of blue silly putty from the good folks over at Lyris (crack open some fresh ideas with email marketing software). Not quite as cool as if it were from a drug manufacturer, but it'll do. Especially when it all showed up ready to display in egg crates.

I don't know about you, but I got a hankerin' to crack open a fresh idea via email marketing software right about now. Or maybe I'll just throw an eggful of blue goop at a coworker.

"Art Supplies"

Man, there sure is a lot of sorting that needs get done at the Junk Store today. I'll just start by opening this big box here labeled "art supplies" and...

Aaaaaaaaaagggh!

Live Free or Die!

Patriot's Freedom Blanket. New in the bag. If you don't buy this from the Junk Store right now then the terrorists have already won.

Light 'Em Up

This large, handmade sign came in a while ago and we are just so overwhelmed by the whole thing that we still haven't figure out what to do with. It is made from wood and painted plexi and two strings of large xmas light strands. I was sure it wouldn't work but, sure enough, once a few boxes of extra bulbs came in I tested it out and it was 100% good to go. It currently resides in the heap next to the water cooler.

Rip It Up

Obviously, we're always on the lookout for skateboards and skate related merchandise here at the Junk Store. We'll take whatever you got: decks, wheels, brokenbearings, tech decks, toy store crap boards, broken boards, clay wheels, long boards, anything.

A while back on a special afternoon we unloaded two legit skates off the truck....

We've got a well worn but still tip-top cruiser from Black Label, plus a brand new blank deck. Pretty good score. I thought that maybe the skate-donation-Gods were smiling down upon me for a long-run, but we haven't gotten anything skateable since these.

Holier Than Thou

Boo-yeah! Coming straight outta the Holy Land and all up in your grill is the triple threat of religious relics to cleanse your dirty, dirty soul: Pure Olive Oil from the Holyland, Holy Earth from Bethlehem, and a vial of Holy Water from Jordan River to wash it all down.  Enjoy these and I'll see you in Hell (from Heaven).

I Love Fisher-Price

You haven't lived until you have simultaneously played the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack on four different Fisher-Price record players. It has been a while since that old-school Junk Store shenanigan, but I'm gonna bring it back starting with this working model #825 Fisher-Price Portable Record Player. These things are the best. They play at 33 and 45 speed, have a built in 45 hole adapter, 4" internal speaker, and a removable lid. They almost always work. The tan-white-orange color combo was manufactured from 1979 through 1984. From 1985 to 1989 it came in a white-and-blue style (which has never been donated).    and now for some links: - First United Church of the Fisher-Price Record Player - awesome T-Shirt illustration - complete Fisher-Price phonograph product list (with photos) - video of Hall & Oats record being played (?!?)

Pass Out

In this amazing and popular board game, players roll and move around a board taking a drink when the board square instructs.

Each time a player passes the 'start' square he must take a 'Pink Elephant' card which contains a tongue twister. If he managers to recite the card three times successfully he gains the card.

The first player to obtain 10 'Pink Elephants' is declared the winner.

A large disclaimer at the end of the rules: "Not intended for use with Alcoholic Beverages."

Hot Dog Tuesdays

By far one of the best developments here at the Junk Store this year was a fresh-off-the-truck donation of a brand new novelty hot dog serving apparatus. Just throw some franks (or veggie dogs) in the boiling water, steam a few buns, open a pack of cheese, chop an onion with a hacksaw, steal some ketchup packets from Jack-in-the-Box, and you have got yourself a gluttonous feast for the ages. 

1400 pages of stolen time

I've decided to make the most of my working hours and read a book from start to finish...

Complete and uncut with 500 extra pages.

Other People's Photos - people standing in front of cars, part 1

Other People's Photos - baby in a box

Other People's Photos - proud moments

Other People's Photos - dinner with the gang

This photo is extra special because it was enlarged up to 8 x 10! These people look like they are having a really great restaurant experience.

Other People's Photos - get high

Other People's Photos - autumn grab bag

Give your thanks to the Junk Gods for donations like this one. A fat sack of vintage other-people's-photos. You just know with a stash this big, there have got to be a few good ones in there. This week, we're going to take a look at a few.
Stay tuned.